Parental Dilemma: What to Do if You’re Supporting Children as You Near Retirement

(Illustration by Carolina Moscoso)

People are providing more aid to adult children and having children later in life. The combination can make it hard to save for retirement.

People on the cusp of retirement may suspect that parenting and the costs that come with it are lasting longer these days.

They’re right.

“Parenting is happening later, longer, more intensively, and more expensively,” says Julie Miller, director of thought leadership, financial resilience, at AARP. “The longest stage of parenthood now occurs when kids are over 18.”

Stretching parenting into your 50s, 60s, or beyond doesn’t just consume energy—it can strain finances, delay retirement plans, and leave parents wondering if they will ever be done supporting their adult children.

A new AARP survey found that 75% of parents with at least one adult child provide some financial support, averaging $7,000 a year. The survey covered 1,700 parents over 45.

Among parents who provide support, nearly half reported that their role lasted longer than they expected, leaving them uncertain about whether they were helping their kids launch successfully or just providing a crutch.

This pattern of later, longer parenting is part of a broader demographic shift. In 2023, 18% of adults ages 25 to 34 were living in a parent’s home. And more adults are having children later in life, which means the financial demands of parenthood increasingly stretch into the years when parents are also planning for retirement.

In 2023, for the first time on record, more babies were born to women over 40 (4.1% of all births) than to teenagers (4%), according to a report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Melissa Pittard was on a secure path to retirement from her civilian Department of the Army job when, at 48, she gave birth to triplets as a single parent. Her mortgage was nearly paid off. She was building a pension worth 60% of her colonel-level salary and steadily funding her federal thrift savings plan, along with other investments.

Then the ground shifted under her when, at 56, she retired early rather than follow her job’s relocation to Alabama from Virginia. She counted on her pension and assumed she could pick up part-time work. But balancing a job with three young children proved impossible—and then all three developed medical problems.

“I think we all enter parenthood assuming our kids will be healthy,” Pittard said. “I’m not sure I know anyone who factored in big medical or therapy expenses. And even with good health insurance, the costs are outrageous.” From 2002 to 2024, her out-of-pocket medical expenses exceeded $392,000.

As debt mounted, she began tapping her home equity. Today, at 71, her savings are running low. Her pension is her lifeline, supplemented by pet-care jobs. She still helps support her 22-year-old triplets, two of whom are in college.

Pittard’s experience highlights challenges later-in-life parents can face, but every family’s circumstances are unique. Here are some things to keep in mind.

Prepare your road map. A common mistake, Miller says, is assuming that once kids are grown, everything will sort itself out. Without a plan, the period of parenting grown kids can get messy and unpredictable—and collide with pressures like aging parents or your own health challenges.

Talk about family finances. Parents may feel stigma about supporting adult children, or avoid the topic because money is taboo in their family. But without clear expectations on both sides, support can become confusing—or even a source of conflict.

Voice your expectations. It’s important to be upfront about what you need in return, Miller says. You may be glad you can step in for your kids—but if they don’t show appreciation or pitch in somehow, resentment can build. The “payback” may be as simple as a thank-you, help around the house, or just keeping you in the loop on how the money’s being used.

Let them chip in. If your adult child is living at home, consider asking them for rent and setting it aside rather than spending it, says James D. Ackerman, president of Ackerman Asset Management, Rockville, Md. When they are ready to move out, you can give it back as a nest egg. This way, they practice budgeting for real-world expenses without you “profiting” from them.

Don’t assume you can work forever. “You may not have the option to work to age 75,” Ackerman notes. “You don’t know what your health issues are going to be and what it’s going to take to pay for those issues. People take for granted that they have employment and they’ll always have employment. But you can’t predict.”

Be transparent about your own retirement strategy. “Talk to your kids about what you’re doing and why,” says Stephen Verdier, who retired in 2011 after more than 30 years in legislative affairs in Washington, D.C. “My kids heard from their grandfather and me about saving for retirement,” he said. “They are each participating in their employers’ plans, and they even ask for advice from time to time.”

Above all, protect your retirement assets. Remember that you can’t borrow for retirement, says Ackerman. “If you destroy or imperil your own financial situation to help your child, then who is going to help you? Before going too deep with direct financial assistance, do a thorough analysis of your own financial well-being and determine what your limits may be. Try to balance generosity, responsibility, and prudence.”

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